4:30 a.m. wake up before the alarm and can't go back to sleep (after a restless night of sleep anyway)
5:15 a.m. get dressed and eat breakfast of a banana and a powerbar
6:00 a.m. leave the house to get to Seattle Center for the start
6:15 a.m. find a great parking spot just a few blocks away
6:30 a.m. find a port-a-potty with a line that was not too long for a last pit stop
6:45 a.m. walk over to the start line
6:50 a.m. talk to some folks in my corral- One guy sees my sign about Jens and tells me that he cannot wait to tell his wife about him when I explain about the double lung transplant. His wife's brother had CF but died when he was 15. He was so inspired about Jens. Your story is incredibly compelling..
6:52 a.m. overhear another woman in my corral explain that she is doing the half marathon today and not the full because she was hit by a car a few months ago and that she is still recovering. A powerful reminder that everybody has a story.
6:55 a.m. find a pace team that matches the time I am aiming for
6:58 a.m. hear someone sing the National Anthem
7:00 a.m. the gun goes off
7:04 a.m. our corral (#5) starts
8:08 a.m. look for my crew at mile 8 but they are not there yet (I realize that our pace team is going a wee bit faster than I anticipated and this meant that I was at this marker before they thought I would be there)
8:36 a.m. find Elizabeth, Jason, Anna, Taylor, Gene and Bette there at mile 12
wave and smile at the cheering squad and then Elizabeth runs with me for the next few hours.
The first half of the marathon was FAST and I was doing what I could to just keep up with the pacers. Even at mile 2, I had started my mantra of praying "Help me, Help me, Help me" on three steps followed by "Thank you, thank You, Thank You" on the next three steps. Then I would do it again with "Help them, Help them, Help them" (Abby and Jens) and then "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you." (for what you have done for them). And so it went for several more hours.
Those prayers are ones that Anne Lamott says are the only two prayers we need- "Help me" and "Thank you." She then revised that and added another prayer of "Wow" to prayers we need in our vocabulary. She writes about these three simple prayers that are essential to coming through tough times in her book Help, Thanks, Wow. As I saw Mount Rainier shining in all its glory today or as I remembered Jens' video of bounding up the stairs to the apartment on Monday, it was easy to say, "Wow" on my run.
When I found Elizabeth at mile 12, she said that we needed to slow down. I knew this for sure as I had pushed it pretty hard and was running on fumes already from being sick this past week. She also knew something was up when I was not very chatty as I usually love to talk when I run. I was working hard on my mantra and trying to focus on keeping up the pace. At the half way mark, I crossed that line at 1:42 which is the fastest I've ever run 13.1 miles. (probably not the best strategy for how my body was doing this week, but a cool personal record for the day especially since things kind of went south from here. :)
We slowed down and then began to knock off mile after mile. Around mile 16 or so as we were going across the bridge, I asked Elizabeth to push me up the hill. She asked me if I meant literally or figuratively. I said both- and like my friend Susan had done in Knoxville, she pushed me up the next hill with her hand on my back. I cannot tell you how good it felt to have the support when I knew my strength was starting to fail me. She did this for me on and off for the rest of the race when I needed it. And the beautiful thing was that I told her that I felt like I was Jens and she was Abby. I was trying so hard to finish the race (but it was so hard!) and she was my support- so faithful and giving and the best friend I could ask for. It felt like we were praying with our bodies in this tangible way of acting out part of your story that has unfolded and is continuing to be told.
Around mile 18, she held my hand at one point and was a bit worried because I was really cold (and it was getting kind of hot outside as the sun was shining bright). I even had goosebumps. It's pretty convenient to have my best friend be the best runner I know AND for her to be a fabulous family practice doctor. :) She knew that this could be a sign that my body could be going into shock and that the blood flow was just going to my vital organs (and not to my extremities). She kept asking me if I felt dizzy to make sure that it was not getting worse. Thankfully, I was able to keep going, but she did encourage me to walk at the water stations and at a few other places. I've never walked in a marathon (and this is #7 today) and I told her I was nervous to walk as I was not sure I would be able to get into a stride again, but I felt like it was wise to listen to her and I followed the doctor's orders.
We got to mile 20 and I knew we just had another 10K to go. But also, as I looked at my watch, I knew I was not going to be able to reach the goal I had of knocking a little bit off my time from Portland last fall. I was okay with it and just accepted it for what it was that today I was not on top of my game. It was the best I could do. And I knew it was okay to let that goal go and to recognize that it just did not matter.
The verse came to mind as I was running from Matthew 6:
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20"But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal;… (Randall Goodgame has this on his Sing the Bible CD with the African Children's Choir singing these verses.)
My treasure has been the last 16 weeks. The medal today is one that moths and rust will destroy, and the time I finished the race (that is forever on the Internet! :)) does not matter! That will fade away, but what does matter, Abby and Jens, is the way that the Lord has whispered His love for you over and over and over to me in the time and space I carved out for training for this marathon. That will never fade away. And during the race, I was able to keep this perspective and embrace whatever came my way in the rest of the course.
In some ways, my race today seemed to fit where you are once again. Things are not smooth sailing for you yet. As you are healing, it still really hurts, and days are really long and grueling sometimes. Today was yet another reminder for me to lean into my dependence on God for strength for the journey before me on this day and for you too in the days ahead.
really hurting at the end, but still felt enough strength to smile as we saw our crew again
just a few yards from the finish...
there is indeed joy in the journey
a great cheering squad and support team!!
“But grace can be the experience of a second wind, when even though what you want is clarity and resolution, what you get is stamina and poignancy and the strength to hang on.”
