an article to share from the New York Times... Here's a coast to coast challenge... Ask these questions of each other in the coming days before the wedding... We will try to do the same! :)
In Mandy
Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she
refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and
others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated
by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36
questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to
be more probing than the previous one.
The idea
is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors,
“One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among
peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing
oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so
this exercise forces the issue.
The
final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for
four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging
from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation.
“Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes
somewhere.”
Set I
1. Given
the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would
you like to be famous? In what way?
3.
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?
Why?
4. What
would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When
did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If
you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a
30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do
you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name
three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For
what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If
you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take
four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as
possible.
12. If
you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would
it be?
Set II
13. If a
crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or
anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is
there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you
done it?
15. What
is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What
do you value most in a friendship?
17. What
is your most treasured memory?
18. What
is your most terrible memory?
19. If
you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything
about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What
does friendship mean to you?
21. What
roles do love and affection play in your life?
22.
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner.
Share a total of five items.
23. How
close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most
other people’s?
24. How
do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make
three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room
feeling ... “
26.
Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If
you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what
would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell
your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things
that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29.
Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When
did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell
your partner something that you like about them already.
32.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If
you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone,
what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them
yet?
34. Your
house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved
ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item.
What would it be? Why?
35. Of
all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on
how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you
how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0
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