the story you find yourself in...

a quote that reminds me of you to pass on... 

"Spiritual theology, using Scripture as text, does not present us with a moral code and tell us “Live up to this”; nor does it set out a system of doctrine and say, “Think like this and you will live well.”  The biblical way is to tell a story and in the telling invite: “Live into this—this is what it looks like to be human in this God-made and God-ruled world; this is what is involved in becoming and maturing as a human being.”  We do violence to the biblical revelation when we “use” it for what we can get out of it or what we think will provide color and spice to our otherwise bland lives.  That always results in a kind of “decorator spirituality” – God as enhancement.  Christians are not interested in that; we are after something far bigger. When we submit our lives to what we read in Scripture, we find that we are not being led to see God in our stories, but our stories in God’s. God is the larger context and plot in which our stories find themselves." -Eugene Peterson Eat This Book

the Lord's prayer...

I started out class this morning with this version of the Lord's prayer from The Message. Even through I've read this hundreds of times, I was struck with the freshness of the language and how it helped me frame my day. It also spoke to me too as I was thinking about the day you have ahead with the ct scan today and the bronchoscopy and biopsy next week....

Take a deep breath... Exhale... Let these words wash over you...

Our Father in heaven,

Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what's best -- as above, so below.

—Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
You're in charge!

—You can do anything you want!
You're ablaze in beauty!
Yes. Yes. Yes.  

living a great story

I ran across this article from 2012 and totally thought of you all... 

you are living a beautiful story and I'm so thankful to get to be part of it. 

How to live a great story

by Corey

Welcome to 2012.

This year, same as the past several years, I’m on a mission to write and live a better story.

How is living a better story accomplished?

There are several parts to a great story (taken from Donald Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years).

1. The characters.
2. They have to want something.
3. They have to move into the conflict in order to get what they want.
4. And there has to be a climactic resolution.

So how exactly does this apply to you?

Every story has a main character.

That’s you … check.

The character has to want something.

Again, this is up to you. What do you want in life? This year? Today?

I’ll share a few things on my list. I also want Simple Marriage to be one of the best resources on the web for marriage and relationships. My wife and I both want to volunteer more in our community. We want to share life more with friends.

On a relational level, my wife and I want to continue to connect even more. To have more adventures, deeper conversations, better sex (yes, she’s on board with this, it’s not just my wish), and overall more fun together. To make this happen, we have to do more of the following.

The character has to move into the conflict in order to get what they want.

In the movies, this is called the inciting incident. It’s what sets the stage for the climactic ending where the main character saves the child, or defeats the bad guy, or goes the full fight with the much younger boxer.

On a marital level, we are presented countless opportunities to move into the conflict, but often this option is counter intuitive. Whenever you and your spouse disagree or see things differently, this is a great time to move into the conflict.

Bear in mind however, moving into the conflict doesn’t necessarily mean you must win.

If you enter into relational conflict with the plans on winning, you often wind up losing in the end. After all, if you must always be the winner, what’s that make your spouse?

I used to think that conflict was something to be avoided. That I could somehow navigate life and relationships without it. I’d take the easy way out of things. Even going so far as not speaking up if I was given the wrong meal at a restaurant.

During the first several years of marriage, I’d do almost anything to avoid conflict. I lived by the old adage – “happy wife, happy life” or “happy spouse, happy house.”

It didn’t take long to realize that when I lived according to other people’s happiness and when I habitually tried to avoid conflict, I harmed myself in the long run.

Conflict produces change.

Truth is, none of us really want to change. That’s why so many new years resolutions fail.

So what does it look like to move into conflict?

For you it may mean you finally voice your opinion on something. Or you speak up during sex because you’re getting nothing out of it at the moment. Or you start your own business on the side. Or you tell important people in your life “no” for the first time.

For me it meant speaking up and risk upsetting or disappointing my wife. It meant quitting a career to finish graduate school faster.

Basically, moving into conflict often is more about following your gut. In the midst of conflict, you generally have a gut feeling about the best way to handle the situation. Many times however, this is ignored and you simply react.

Slow down, breathe, listen to you gut.

There has to be a climactic resolution.

This is not simply when you die, although that definitely is a resolution. This is when you achieve your goal. When you connect deeper with your spouse. When you stand on top of the mountain.

Whatever it is, begin with the end in mind.

Imagine what it would be like to stand on top of the mountain. Or to truly have a mutually satisfying sexual encounter. Or a deeper connection.

This will help you envision the steps that may be necessary to get there.

Then move into the story and don’t look back.

What do you think?

http://simplemarriage.net/live-a-great-story/

expectations

In our last conversation, it seemed that we kept coming back to the importance of being clear about expectations. So, when I read this today on "The Art of Simple", I thought it would be worth passing on... 

Happy Friday!! XOXOXOXO 

Three kinds of expectations

by Shaun

Shaun Groves writes about the ups and downs of fatherhood and how he manages to stay sane in spite of (or maybe because of?) being a dad. Shaun is a dad of four and travels the world singing and speaking on behalf of Compassion International. He is also his household’s reigning Candyland champion.

It’s still the most surprising thing Becky has ever said to me.

“OK,” she declared. “I’ve decided to lower my expectations of you.”

Becky has a theory and after two decades together I’m convinced she’s right: Most conflict and unhappiness in relationships comes from three kinds of expectations.

Unreasonable

Sometimes our expectations are unreasonable. In the early days of our marriage Becky expected a certain standard of living but also expected me to be more available to her than I could be with a full-time job. I expected us to always have sex as often as we did on our honeymoon. We both find ourselves expecting too much from our kids today – a seven year-old is going to forget his coat at school sometimes. And it will be on the coldest day of the year. It’s just going to happen.

Sometimes the expectations we have for those we love are too lofty or misplaced entirely. Becky’s taught me to change, lower, or completely do away with those expectations that can bring resentment and frustration into our marriage.

Unclear

Sometimes our expectations are reasonable but not communicated well…or at all. A friend of mine recently blew up at his wife because she never initiates sex. At the same time, it turned out, his wife had been harboring resentment against him for never taking her out on a date. 

Dates and sex and compliments and a day off and flowers and…and a lot of other good things just mean more to us if we don’t have to ask for them, right? We think that if someone really loves us, really cares, really understands us, then they’ll just know what we need. And we’re wrong. Love does not give us the super power to read minds.

How many expectations could be met if we would only communicate them clearly?

Unmet

Sometimes we get it right. Our expectations are reasonable and clear. But they’re still not being met.

Man, does that hurt. I feel devalued. I take it personally. I’ve learned from Becky’s example to clearly communicate that, too.

Unexpected

“I’ve decided to lower my expectations of you,” Becky said. What a gift that was! I no longer felt like a failure. I felt lighter. But I also wanted more than ever to be a better husband. I wanted to meet her expectations, no matter how high.

It’s still surprising how being expected to do less motivated me to do more.Maybe that’s just me. But maybe not. Maybe the people in your life will exceed your expectations, too, if you take the time to adjust your expectations of them first.

growing up in marriage

a great article to pass on from the website called Simple Marriage.... You Are Already In The Right Relationship Posted: 20 Oct 2014 12:45 PM PDT What does healthy growing up look like in marriage? There are two challenges or dilemmas that have major roles in relationships. The emotional reactivity/rationality challenge and the togetherness/separateness dilemma. These two forces intermix in various and subtle ways to shape your relationship. The togetherness/separateness force is a natural force much like the need plants have for sunshine or water. Every plant requires a certain level of sunlight for healthy development — too much sunshine will kill the plant and too little sunshine will lead to the plant’s death. Marriages are the same in terms of togetherness and separateness. Too much togetherness or too little togetherness, depending on each individual’s need, will influence the health of the relationship. When people need more togetherness than their spouse provides, they are more likely to be emotionally reactive and become less rational. When people need more separateness than their spouse provides, they will invent ingenious ways to achieve separateness. Problems often arise when one wants (needs) togetherness at a time in which their spouse wants (needs) separateness. Humans are condemned to be separate yet paradoxically to seek togetherness. Many people enter marriage or committed relationships with the fantasy that they will nearly always get their togetherness and separateness needs fulfilled whenever they desire. Over time as they become more emotionally fused they are hurt whenever their spouse does not give them what they want. Some gradually conclude that they will never get their needs fulfilled and thus begin to drift apart. Those that do this miss the divineness of marriage as a place to grow more basic self. They miss the many opportunities to manage their anxiety whenever their needs are not satisfied. Know this: No spouse can provide just the right amount of togetherness or separateness. Therefore, you must learn to self-soothe, to calm yourself, to manage your anxiety, and to self-validate. Then you become a better mate and in the process get a better marriage. The sacredness of marriage is a great place to develop more basic self and to work on your own level of growing up. In a nutshell: growing up is the ability to tolerate anxiety! And no place tests your metal for tolerating anxiety like a committed relationship. You know you have the spouse you need when you become anxious due to a simple look or comment like, “Why did you turn here?” Much of the togetherness/separateness dilemma is influenced by one’s ability to self-validate, self-soothe, to be intimate with self, and to calm self. People needing more togetherness than their spouse can provide set themselves up for being held hostage by their spouse. Grown up people can tap into their own personal source for self-validation and self-intimacy rather than being dependent upon their spouse for validation and intimacy. Most of us have been reared on a diet of other-validation and are very poor at self-validation. Grown up people are more in charge of their own life needs and become less dependent upon others. At the same time, they can actually be more available to others because they operate out of more wholeness, rather than out of a state of deprivation. In short, grown up people have more to give! Deprivation creates a state that looks a great deal like slavery and takes away choices. Poorly-developed (fusion oriented) people need togetherness, rather than simply wanting to connect. Poorly-developed (individuation oriented) people also need separateness and cannot be close and intimate without needing to distance. Too much togetherness or too much separateness creates anxiety. And anxious people are not comfortable to be around. The well-developed (i.e. grown up) person can be close to others while being a separate individual, all without becoming emotionally reactive. The well-developed individual can choose what emotions he/she wants to experience. Well-developed people are in charge of their emotions rather than their emotions being in charge of them. Well-developed individuals can be intimate and passionate without losing self. Think of it this way: Those that cannot control themselves will seek to control everything around them. If people get to where they can stand their ground with their spouse (or family of origin) and take the best shots their spouse (or family of origin) can deliver while calming and soothing themselves, they will find that the rest of the world shoots blanks. The key is being able to self-validate and self-soothe when you feel that emotional reactivity about to rise. You’ll feel a sense of being in charge of self and open an array of choices in responding when you’re calm and rational. Growing up is the ability to tolerate pain for growth. Growing up is the ability to fill your emptiness. Well-developed people still have some degree of emptiness as emptiness is a part of the naturalness of life as a human. Too much emptiness is the problem. And emptiness is a result of too little spirituality. Empty people tend to place undue and unrealistic expectations on others. The safeguards against too much emptiness are basic self and spirituality. To sum all this up: No one ever gets a better spouse than they are willing to lose. If you are fearful of losing the relationship, you will stop the growth processes for both of you. Thus the challenge is to work on growing yourself up – which frees your spouse to begin growing himself/herself up as well. Divorce rarely leads to getting a better spouse, because a divorced person usually seeks out another partner that is at their former partner’s level of development. People at like levels of growth attract each other. You only get a better partner by improving your level of growth.  And the best place you can work on growing up is in your current relationship! http://simplemarriage.net/right-relationship/

deep thoughts...

Do you remember these from the old Saturday Night Live shows? I remember laughing pretty hard and some of them and then feeling bad that I was laughing... :) 

on a more serious note, here are some deep thoughts on marriage.. :) 

The First Year of Marriage

By Krysta Winters*

Newlyweds experience a bewildering array of emotions during their first few months together. Excitement, happiness, anticipation, urgency, and giddiness are quite common, but just as common are confusion, disappointment and resentment. The new couple faces the challenge of navigating through these times both as individuals, and as part of something greater. Since mapquest.com doesn't have a feature to manage this kind of travel for the time being, more traditional methods need to be explored to make sure the road the newlyweds are on leads in the direction they want towards a stable, long-lasting, loving relationship. This road will contain both obstacles and opportunities, and couples need to be able to manage both.

The expectations that are brought to the relationship represent some of the more common obstacles. No one comes to marriage with a blank slate. Everyone has expectations, whether based on parents' relationships, pop media, or personal dreams of how things could be. If not dealt with, these expectations can create roadblocks; however, if they are acknowledged and explored they can be transformed into meaningful goals.

"Most marriages start off with such a high, positive set point that it's hard for either partner to imagine their relationship derailing." (J. Gottman). When couples decide to get married, they often have such a strong friendship that it is hard to imagine a time that this could ever change. If they do have some awareness that problems could arise in the future, they often imagine that marriage itself will somehow be the glue that will make everything okay, or they may believe that somehow marriage will make the other person become more like them.

Once you have identified some of your expectations, it is important to develop them into mutual goals.

One expectation that can seriously affect a relationship is how much work each person thinks the marriage will take. Whenever one partner has an expectation at the extreme, either that marriage will be no work at all, or that it will require intense Herculean effort, they will most likely be confused and/or disappointed at the result. Marriage is ultimately about how two people come together and how they each bring their own journey to share with the other.

Why should this journey towards togetherness take work? Mike Mason spoke to this issue in the following passage from his book, The Mystery of Marriage:

"A marriage, or a marriage partner, may be compared to a great tree growing right up through the center of one's living room. It is something that is just there, and it is huge, and everything has been built around it, and wherever one happens to be going — to the fridge, to bed, to the bathroom, or out the front door — the tree has to be taken into account. It cannot be gone through; it must respectfully be gone around. It is somehow bigger and stronger than oneself. True, it could be chopped down, but not without tearing the house apart. And certainly it is beautiful, unique, exotic: but also, let's face it, it is at times an enormous inconvenience."

This quote takes into account both the awe and the discomfort that comes from facing something that is larger than oneself. In order to do this, we ultimately have to face growth and ongoing maturity. This growth can be experienced individually as well as collectively, as "two become one." No wonder the journey towards togetherness takes some work.

Once you have identified some of your expectations, it is important to develop them into mutual goals. It is worth the time to ask each other the following question: "How do you want your marriage to be?"

One of the most important keys to success in a marriage, according to John Gottman, is a strong friendship. Having a friendship as the cornerstone of a marriage allows it to endure over time. It is up to each couple how they best experience and create a marital friendship, but the foundation includes confiding in and sharing with each other — the mundane as well as the profound moments of life. The time required to create this friendship can easily become a rare commodity. But for a marriage to succeed, a couple needs to be willing to invest the time necessary to build that connection. 

This brings us to another key requirement: intentionality. By being intentional with time and focus, most interactions throughout the day can be a deliberate means to connect and respect each other. Life is not about sustaining an everlasting honeymoon or vacation, but about discovering in each day the joy life has to offer. Discovering the expectations that each person has can be an important first step in creating a lasting relationship. Sharing these with one another is another step that requires courage and respect. It is from these efforts that newlyweds can develop and nurture mutual, lifelong goals. They can take the bundle of emotions, wonders and conflicts that make up their first months together and create the real, fundamental life together that they've both publicly declared they want. The seed that was planted with their vows can then be cultivated into maturity. In this way, throughout the journey of marriage, obstacles and opportunities can be used to keep couples on the path that they have chosen together.

http://www.centennialcounseling.com/First_Year_Marriage

18 year old vows...

My sister in law had our vows painted on a box for us for our 10th anniversary, and this is a beautiful reminder to me of what we shared with each other and committed to one another at our wedding.   May these words help you think a bit more about what you want to craft for your own vows to one another... 

XOXOXO 

Reliance

I read this today at church and wanted to pass it on to you...  

8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God,who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers.Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 

It seems that the year you all have come through up until this point relates so much to this passage. You all have come through so much and have learned to rely more fully on God and on each other. And many have given thanks (and I am giving thanks in this very moment as I type) on your behalf for the gracious favor granted to you in answer to the prayers of many....  

Happy Sunday!! 

Rely (by Nikki McClure) 

Happy 18th!!!

I have some friends who are running in a half marathon in 2 weeks and they asked me if I would run 12 miles with them today for their last long run. I was happy to pick out a route and lead them on some fun trails. The best part was when the conversation led to a part where I got to share that today was your 5 month anniversary of your lung transplant!!! As I told the story, I practically got goosebumps because it is so remarkable and I am so very very thankful... 

celebrating YOU today!!!! 

Happy 18th!! 

a prayer to start my class (and your day)...

a prayer that I shared at SPU to begin my class this week 

that I thought you could start your day with as well: 

Come with your transforming power. Breathe upon and into my thoughts and actions this day. Let my work be a labor of love. May those who come in contact with me feel sheltered and cared for. May I do or say some small piece of goodness that will help others feel affirmed and supported.  Let your wind and fire move me into the places where I am needed.  Let me become your breath so that I may assist you in breathing new life into places that are stale and unfruitful. Make me forceful and gentle, powerful and humble, O Spirit, Come! 

– Seven Sacred Pauses by Macrina Wiederkehr pg 84

picture I took on the gates at the National Cathedral in DC 

let there be light

As I was biking home last night around 9:45 after class, I was tired for sure, but I could not help but smile looking out at the Seattle skyline across Lake Union. I thought you would appreciate this little glimpse of our city at night.  Also, I was thinking a lot about light as I was dependent on my bike light and the street lights to keep me safe getting home.  As I was thinking and praying for you all, I was praying for light along the journey for you to guide you and to keep you safe... 

XOXOXO 

Wind and Rain

Wednesdays and Thursdays this quarter are my bike commuting days. I hop on my bike midmorning on Wednesday and head to SPU for the day to work.  My night class that I am teaching does not get out until 9:10 so it's a late night bike ride on the Burke Gilman trail back home, but in the UDistrict, the night is young at that point so many folks are still out and about. 

Then I get home around 10 and my head hits the pillow soon after so that I can get up bright and early to get Anna off to school and then hop on my bike again so I can get to my 9:00 class Thursday morning.  (Or maybe I should consider just pitching a tent on campus and sleeping here for the night to save some time...) 

These bike rides tend to be times that my heart is drawn into prayer for you all.  Today, the wind was strong and the rain was coming down hard.  I was praying for you to have strength there to keep cranking on those gears so that you can push through the wind and the rain that comes your way. 

XOXOXO

Vows...

Thinking about our conversation on Sunday reminded me of this quote (the part in bold below is something we quoted in our wedding program)...

"In making such reckless promise we have freely admitted that we ourselves cannot keep them, yet equally freely have we confessed our unreserved faith in and dependence upon the God Who can, the God whose very nature is expressed in faithfulness, that is, in the keeping of apparently impossible promises to His people.
A church wedding makes it very clear that there is no security whatsoever in human passion and resolve, but only in the Lord’s passion and the Lord’s resolve. The Wedding is a ceremonial declaration that God has brought two people together, and that He has already taken it upon Himself to keep them together. It is not any human power that has joined them, any more than a human power may “put them asunder” (Matthew 19:6). The Wedding is an acceptance and proclamation of God’s power to take action of eternal significance in the lives of mortals, to step in and overrule the fickleness of the human heart. It is not that the vows hold any guarantee that a couple shall always be “in love,” but rather that through God’s grace and strength they may continue in faith “to love.” For that, once again, is the peculiar meaning of Christian love: not a feeling, but an action, and not a human and limited action, but a supernatural and eternal one. Love is a deep, continuous, growing, and ever-renewing activity of the will, superintended by the Holy Spirit. There is no question of its failing or ceasing or letting anyone down. A wedding, therefore, declares openly and robustly that there is nothing romantic about love, nothing the least bit chancy or changeable. It is a gift from the Lord, whole and intact forever, a sure rock. Naturally those who stubbornly refuse to believe this will fail to experience the reality of it. “
Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage

(This book is a beautiful book on marriage if you want to add it to your list...) 

Love Languages 101

Here is a bit more on the love languages to give you some definitions that we found to be helpful... 

  

"Dr. Gary Chapman, a Christian family counselor and author, has developed a relationship-building program called the 5 love languages. Love languages are defined as verbal and non-verbal communications between couples which improve the mental and physical well-being of both partners. These mutual expressions and actions help to build up a nurturing environment in which couples can improve both their emotional and physical intimacy levels.

The first of the five love languages includes words of affirmation. These words go far beyond a perfunctory "I love you" ritual, and include specific recognition of a partner's contributions to the relationship or the household or a career. The point of the exercise is to provide enough positive affirmation of a partner's self-worth to motivate that person towards even more personal growth. By telling a partner or friend or co-worker how much you appreciate his or her efforts, you are speaking in a language he or she can understand.

The second of the five love languages involves spending quality time with a loved one. This means setting aside a meaningful amount of personal time in which the friend or partner receives your complete and undivided attention. The idea is to have substantial conversations with another person, or take the time to indulge in a mutual interest, such as a movie or a hobby. Quality time can build up intimacy and trust in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.

Receiving gifts is the third component of Chapman's love languages. Almost everyone enjoys receiving personalized gifts from loved ones, and a surprise gift can be even more special. The ritual surrounding the presentation of a gift is often as satisfying as the gift itself. Some gifts are not necessarily tangible, but a spouse or friend can contribute a gift of time or a gift of their unique talents.

The fourth of the five love languages involves acts of service. A partner may volunteer to clean the house before the other partner returns home from work. A husband may decide to convert a garage into a craft room so his wife can pursue her interests and hobbies. The most important idea behind an act of services is that it must be unconditional and free of ulterior motives. A quid pro quo arrangement is not considered a true act of service.

The final element of the five love languages is physical touch. This is not limited to intimate touching of a romantic or sexual nature, but basic physical contact between two people. A back rub following a hard day at work would be an example of a positive expression of love language. A spouse may spontaneously scratch the other's back, or a father may give his son an affectionate pat on the shoulder after a good sports play. The point of physical touch is to satisfy the basic human need for close contact with others. People who feel isolated from others physically may begin to feel isolated on other levels as well."  http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-love-languages.htm

Here is an article we read to Anna and Taylor that put it in more kid friendly terms (but sometimes I find that it helps me get to the heart of it more too so I'm including this too for your reading pleasure today!) :) 

Love Language: The 5 Love Languages of Children

---

Storybooks and television tell our children that love is a mushy, wonderful thing that’s all butterflies and romance and rainbows. But as adults, we know that loving others—whether a spouse, a family member, a friend or simply your neighbor—is more often an exercise in self-sacrifice and putting others first. Butterflies are optional.

Dr. Gary Chapman says knowing your child’s love language can make all of the difference in your relationship.  Here, he shares descriptions of the five love languages. Look over the 5 Steps for Discovering Your Child’s Love Language.

1. Physical Touch. Hugs and kisses are the most common way of speaking this love language, but there are other ways, too. A dad tosses his year-old son in the air. He spins his seven-year-old daughter round and round, and she laughs wildly. A mom reads a story with her three-year-old on her lap.

For children who understand this love language, physical touch will communicate love more deeply than will the words, “I love you,” or giving a present, fixing a bicycle, or spending time with them. Of course, they receive love in all the languages, but for them the one with the clearest and loudest voice is physical touch. Without hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and other physical expressions of love, their love tanks will remain less than full.

2. Words of Affirmation. In communicating love, words are powerful. Words of affection and endearment, words of praise and encouragement, words that give positive guidance all say, “I care about you.” Such words are like a gentle, warm rain falling on the soul; they nurture the child’s inner sense of worth and security. Even though such words are quickly said, they are not soon forgotten. A child reaps the benefits of affirming words for a lifetime.

3. Quality Time. Quality time is focused attention. It means giving a child your undivided attention. Quality time is a parent’s gift presence to a child. It conveys this message: “You are important. I like being with you.” It makes the child feel that he is the most important person in the world to the parent. He feels truly loved because he has his parent all to himself. When you spend quality time with children, you need to go to their physical/emotional level of development. The most important factor in quality time is not the event itself but that you are doing something together, being together.

If quality time is your child’s primary love language, you can be sure of this: Without a sufficient supply of quality time and focused attention, your child will experience a gnawing uneasiness that his parents do not really love him.

4. Gifts. The giving and receiving of gifts can be a powerful expression of love, at the time they are given and often extending into later years. The most meaningful gifts become symbols of love, and those that truly convey love are part of a love language.

Most children respond positively to gifts, but for some, receiving gifts is their primary love language. You might be inclined to think that this is so for all children, judging from the way they beg for things. It is true that all children—and adults—want to have more and more. But those whose language of love is receiving gifts will respond differently when they get their gift. Remember, for them this is love’s loudest voice. They see the gift as an extension of you and your love.

5. Acts of Service. Some people speak acts of service as their primary love language. If service is your child’s primary love language, your acts of service will communicate most deeply that you love Johnny or Julie. When that child asks you to fix a bicycle or mend a doll’s dress, he or she does not merely want to get a task done; your child is crying for emotional love.

If your child’s primary love language is acts of service, this does not mean that you must jump at every request. It does mean that you should be extremely sensitive to those requests and recognize that your response will either help fill the child’s love tank or else puncture the tank. Each request calls for a thoughtful, loving response.

Taken with permission from The Five Love Languages of Children by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Love Languages

First of all, it was so good to talk to you today! :) I'm really looking forward to the next 5 months or so to get to have more conversations together about marriage, relationships, expectations, etc.

As I mentioned on the phone, over the last couple of weeks, we have been talking with Anna and Taylor about love languages. One week, we watched this video called "What Makes You Feel Loved" by Cynthia Tobias, a woman I have heard speak at our church several times.  We each made a list like she suggests in the short video.

The next week, we each took these surveys:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/children/
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

It was interesting to see that Taylor scored high on words of affirmation, and Anna scored about the same on words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time.  Jason was high on quality time while my two primary languages scores were acts of service and words of affirmation.  Good to know for sure as we learn more how we can serve each other and love each other well..

What are your primary languages? :)

105 years old...

I ran across this article and when I saw that it was about a baseball fan and a woman who has lived an adventurous life, I thought of you all... Happy Saturday to you two... :)

Though she pitched in front of a stadium full of screaming baseball fans, McKee told MLB.com she didn't feel nervous.

"It's an exciting time," she told the outlet. "I'm proud to be able to do it."

When it was her time in the spotlight, McKee wheeled herself up to the mound with her walker, and showed the crowd her much-practiced windup. She even got the ball to catcher Rene Rivera.

McKee's age has not stopped her from indulging in an adventurous life. She regularly participates in ballroom dancing and Wii bowling, U-T San Diego reported. When she was 101, she tried indoor sky-diving.

"I am relieved it is over," she told Fox 8 as she left the baseball field on Sunday. "Now I can go relax."

We think she's earned it!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/22/105-year-old-throws-first-pitch_n_5610088.html?utm_hp_ref=good-news

storms...

In light of the storms you've weathered in this last week, I just want you all to know that I'm holding you in prayer and sending you much love... 

Instead...

an article for you...

just saw this article in the weekend edition of the Wall Street Journal in the lobby where I am waiting for Anna to finish her dance class... I loved the last line of the article: 

"Your marriage is supposed to last forever, so spend like there is a tomorrow," she advises.  When considering each potential wedding expense, just keep asking yourself, "Is this going to help us in our life together?"